lost self

by Kissing Fractures

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  • T-Shirt/Apparel

    printed on gildan heavy cotton tees
    they run large but are cotton so can shrink in the wash
    designed by Sophie McTear // dutchessofprunes.tumblr.com
    shipping out on or around 01 August 2014

     $10 USD or more

     

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02:06
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01:20
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about

"lost self" is a collection of songs that were written and recorded between july 2013 and july 2014. together, they reveal how i dealt with everything that plagued me in the past year, and how i managed to find temporary solace.

all of the songs were recorded and written by me, except for songs 2 and 7, which were originally poems by Cutting Flashlight, a project of my dear friend Lucy Martirosyan, that i turned into songs.

despite this, “lost self” is very personal to me, and the process of putting together his full length has been incredibly cathartic and comforting.

**clear cassette tapes encased with pressed flowers (along with a few other goodies) will be available very soon, through my very good friend Quiet Year Records**

credits

released 27 July 2014

recorded in aimee's bedroom
all songs written by aimee except 2 and 7
songs 2 and 7 are poems written by lucy martirosyan that aimee turned into songs

thank you to Emily Oliver for the incredible embroidered album art
thank you to Lucy Martirosyan for letting me turn her poems "PS you still do this to me" and "lost self" into songs
thank you to Judy Hong // Quiet Year Records for doing tapes
thank you to everyone who has supported me and my music

also huge thanks to maraschino cherries, instax polaroids, avocados, the moon, cotton candy, and all my friends.

xo

aimee

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license

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feeds

feeds for this album, this artist
Track Name: tired talking
i coughed a hole inside my throat so i could bury all the words that i never said out loud

i stayed up all night wondering whether or not i should try harder on getting better

i coughed a hole inside my throat so i could bury all the words that i couldn't say out loud

i pretended to be okay for a year so i wouldn't be alone
Track Name: PS you still do this to me
PS you still do this to me
it looks like scribbles
but it sounds like a bee
stop feeding me your honey
you need it to live

PS you still do this to me
in my dream
we live on the horizon
between the earth and the sea

PS you still do this to me
I’m not sorry
Track Name: cheer wine
i'm sure it could've been different and i know i should care less
but i think i fucked up again and this time i don't know how to fix it
i knew exactly what i was getting myself into
i just didn't think it would get this bad
and i never promised it would work out - i only promised i would try
Track Name: past tense
the sky kissed the water
and i had never felt closer to people i didn’t know
the flash went off and it was too cold for june
a woman once told me that if i mixed my tears with honey
i would feel nothing
but i'm not numb yet
and the winter solstice is oddly warm
and not knowing is slowly killing me
i just want to go back to sleep.
Track Name: little spoon
i always catch you in a sleepy haze
a smile so sweet upon your delicate face

let us eat the stars with our forks and knives
napkins in our laps, your hand on my thigh

you always catch me in a sleepy haze
wrapped inside your arms, you are my safe space

you tell me you love me as we fall asleep
constant and comely, each other we complete
Track Name: faulty palmistry
it shifts back and forth throughout the years
i am all alone and all i do is cry

i am five years old and i just saw
a boy skin his knees and all i do is cry

i’m sitting on one of those things in the playground
that spin around, holding on tight

i’m stuck between not being pretty
or drunk enough and all i can do is wonder why

this is by no means good but at least it’s honest
and that’s what matters, right?
Track Name: lost self
Let me borrow your flashlight
so I can reach the corners of me
I could never see

The light in your eyes cascade
and fill in my emptiness
it’s temporary
but for a moment I know where
I am.

I think a body is like a dam
and when two are together
the bones
and the vines of nerves
and elasticity of muscles
penetrate the fragility of skin.

Keep digging, it will hurt.
A little blood spilled is okay
I need a red flag to relocate my lost self
and then I’ll have the right words to say.
Track Name: when autumn comes
when autumn comes i think i'll be just fine
i have a few things to look forward to and all of them are in my mind
sometimes i think that i'm ready to die
the thought of it's quite comforting, to be honest i'm not really sure why

there's not much more to this, it's as simple as it is
there's no one to go to at 3 morning
there's nowhere for me to go that's worth going

i've never been good at apologies
but i'll learn to be happy for everybody else around me
breathe in, exhale, and give in again
a millimeter isn't deep unless you burn it in your skin

there's not much more to this, it's as simple as it is
all i want to be is anyone but me
all i want to be is anywhere but here

i swallow my sleep and collapse
and hope that when i wake up everything all all be in the past
i know that i should get over it
cause there's not much more to this, it's as simple as it is

and sometimes the best things become the worst
when you don't have them anymore and you have to find something else to live for
Track Name: small spells
not used to cigarettes not being five dollars
transplanted in cities that act like the suburbs
i am a storm, i will never be still
until i accept that i'm disposable
i will become the skin stretched on my bones
it wears down my body like i wear you out
Track Name: pinky promise with a thumb kiss
it's been a few months since you last said you loved me
and maybe you still do, well i still love you
and i don't know if that's something i should be saying out loud

i spent my favorite moments with you by your side
i don't think i've ever been happier in my life
when i asked you what would happen to us
you said we'd be together again
because the good things in your life always work out in the end

and most of the time i find myself wondering
if you're okay, and you seem to be doing fine
and i wish that i could say the same for myself

you don't know how bad it gets in the middle of the night
when i can't think straight and there's heavy thoughts in my mind
it's not something i want to get used to
but i guess that i'll have to learn
and maybe the next time you see me i'll be fine

and there are still so many things
that i have yet to say
i'll kiss you in the rain another day